Messed-up life, anyone?

Doesn't our screwed-up lives remind you of that big bunch of ugly, messy and horribly tangled-up wires under your desk/behind your TV? Yup, THAT mess which you have no spare minute to sort out. Well, the mess wouldn’t really do any harm initially – just a little unpleasant to look at and maybe causing a sneezing-marathon. Of course we do know its there and we hate to see it, BUT we all dread the pain of untangling a bunch of bacteria-filled-dust-coated wires, don't we? And so we buy some wire-covering device to “conceal” them, just so it goes away for a little while. (ignorance!)

Such scenario illustrates perfectly how complicated our lives can get; when everything piles up and gets so entangled – you lose your focus and line of thought along the way. How on earth do you unplug something when you have no idea where it’s coming from in the first place? You can’t even remember why you made certain purchases (the RM10,0000000 BOSE speakers?!). You no longer know which wire connects to the utmost important item, say, your LCD TV. So, yes, your life sucks.

Even when everything is so messed-up, we refuse to take the next step to clear things up, because we fear that taking one wrong step may blow things out of proportion. Like how your TV might explode in your face.

Naturally, life gets messy if left unattended for too long, simply because humans are too fond of comfort and we tend to leave things the way they are. BUT WRONG!! It's 2009 now and I think its time to go wireless! And by wireless, I meant to live care-freely with no tangled-up strings and burdens. Clean up your life! And when you look behind the TV again – you can smile, because that disgusting bunch of mess will not be there..

lil'Lin^^

A Weekend Without Tiffany's

And in a few short hours, a plane will arrive. I should be dying with anticipation, and my heart should be racing like a sprinter (that tripped and fell at the last leg of the race with 100 meters left to go).

But I'm not. I'm skeptical and paranoid. I'm sweating and delusional.

In the past, our weekends were planned out and we knew exactly where we were going, and what we were going to do. I knew that there would be laughter and chatter. I knew that everything would turn out even better than I expected.

But this time, things seem different. She seems distant and disinterested. And I'm left with a feeling of emptiness that this weekend might turn into an absolute disaster.

Maybe I'm over thinking things, and maybe all the fights, and talks, and compromising has left me fearful. Will things end with a screaming match? Will I fall into one of my episodes and screw everything up all over again?

We're trying to rebuild what we lost in the past 2 and a half months. We're trying to put things back into place, and re-lay all the fallen Jenga pieces that are spread all over the floor. 14th Feb 2009 - Valentine's Day, thats when it all started crumbling.

I sure hope for the best this weekend, that what we've been working so hard for will fall into place, and she'll be COMFORTABLE again.

"Keep Moving Forward" - Lewis Robinson (Meet The Robinsons)

Gin "Destroy, Rebuild"

Sometimes goodbye is a 2nd chance

When you know that the path ahead is a one-way dead end, there really is no point driving on. But you tell yourself "I'm already half way, I'll drive on for 2 - 3 miles and stop at the next station". And so you keep driving.

Along the bumpy road, you stumble upon portholes and your car suffers stratches all over, and you think to yourself, it's okay, a little scar won't do much damage to my super car. By the next station, your bumper gets dented, but still you tell yourself, it's alright, it'll survive the next pit stop.

Then, at the next stop (with your hanging bumpers and heart-wrecking scratches), you know you should really stop driving - but you don't. You inspect the damages and somehow, they don't seem to look that threatening. At least your tyres are intact. So you decide to drive on...........And finally, you hit a ridiculously sharp bent and your tyres blow. Right in your face.

You're now stranded in the middle of the road, unmoving and helpless. You ask yourself, why didn't I stop 5 miles back, knowing this would happen? It really is not stupidity, is it? (and no, it's got nothing to do with a GPS). It's DENIAL. We all bloody live in denial.. thinking that things are okay, when they're not..and that only leads you to one direction - a dead end.

Sigh..

^^lil'Lin

Lose to time and u lose everything

Right person, wrong time. Wrong person, right time. Seriously, these theories are messing the shit out of my mind. I never truly believed in "THAT magical moment"..but it seems to be ringing loud in my ears right now.

Sometimes when you lose a person you love, it isn't because they weren't the perfect one for you..but because that magical moment you're longing for has not striked. Hence, the imperfection of timing. And so, you lose your supposedly THE ONE, because you lost to time. (a little too early)

Sometimes when you find a person you really love, but somehow he just can't be THE ONE because say, he is married, he is taken or he has commitment issues. And so you lose your supposedly THE ONE, because once again, you lost to time. (a little too late)

And finally, when that magical moment strikes, you meet someone - but you know that someone just isn't THE ONE, but because timing is perfect right now, he automatically becomes the one AT this time. So yeah, you didnt lose to time, you just didn't win the person you ever wanted...

IRONIC, isnt it? Ok im bullshitting like there's tomorrow. But if you get me....dude, you have REAL issues! :P

^^lil' Lin

Gastronomy

Having just finished a meal of KFC, shes feeling absolutely stuffed, exhausted from the chewing. Stomachs bloated. Head’s rather dizzy from the digestion. Veins clogged up from the oil and fats. All she wants is to sit back and digest, and let it all settle in.

She knows exactly what she wants for her next meal, a healthy serving of Chili Cheese Fries. But being so bloated from all the fried chicken, she would rather wait, digest, and relax, allowing hunger to kick in again before she places her order.

So for now, she is pacing herself, walking past the shop and taking glances at the picture on the menu in anticipation. The walking helps her digest a little faster, and the smell coming from the shop enhances the craving.

Carl’s Junior will just have to wait for its next customer patiently then, knowing that the order will be supersized.

Gin "When's Dinner?"

My Benediction

My energy is constantly being drained daily. Dealing with emotions that leave me exhausted. I think and think, ponder and ponder, trying to find the answer to why I indulge in this obsession even when it leaves me drained.

With no sense of security, and no sense of belonging; with no sense of fulfillment, and no sense of longevity, I ride this coaster, making it a daily routine of exhaustion. Waking up way before the alarm sounds, only to be disappointed by the image on my cell.

Have I lost myself? Delving so deeply into this. Realizing I no longer recognize the person in the mirror, or the person I wake up being. Never expecting myself to be in such turmoil, or committing so much hard work.

I want this, but I don’t want to feel like this. Lord, hear my prayer and relieve me from this burden, because you and you alone can release me from these lingering pains.

However, I thank you for the smiles and the laughter, the joy and the bliss. May you bless me with more of happy, and less of sad.

Gin "Hear my prayer"

A Series Of Very Fortunate Events

Hugh & Bea watched Malaysian Dream Girl.

Hugh said I should watch it because Ginny actually auditioned and failed epically.

Didn't take much notice.

Bea told me to watch it because the contestants were a joke. "SUSI"

Watched 1st - 3rd episode on YouTube for a laugh.

Couldn't be bothered to watch entire episodes for results and checked website.

No results on website, but had a Facebook link.

Clicked on Facebook link.

Stumbled upon "Cindy, Whats up la?" discussion thread.

Never liked Cindy's fake accent so clicked on thread.

Read some comments. Terrible English. Blasted back.

XXX.blogspot.com as a start to your post? --> ATTENTION SEEKER!

Wrote nasty comment. Deleted it 5 minutes later.

Thread got rather heated.

Sent private message to apologize for mean-ness on April 8th at 12.07pm.

Best decision of my life.

Special Thanks to:



For being absolutely ridiculous.




For being the world's WORST/BEST social networking site and the point of contact.







For her fake accent, bitch initiatives, and terrible looking face.








For the blogosphere and the irritating blogspot title that made me take notice in the first place!







VERY NICEEEE!






Gin "It's Funny How From Simple Things, The Best Things Begin"

p.s. Lin: I still don't like the purple titles. =.=

Of Wet Towels & Text Messages

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed, you wonder if today will be any different from yesterday (or the day before, or the days before that).

The whir of the air conditioning makes it impossible to leave the cover of your sheets. "Quilt keeps me safe and warm" I think to myself.

Snoozing that annoying tone thats coming from your cellphone indicating that you're way past due on the teeth brushing and face washing, you muster the strength to pick your lazy ass out of bed and into the bathroom (just so you don't arrive TOO late and get fired from work).

A drizzle of warm water finally reminds you that you're not living like a refugee anymore (in one of those God-forsaken make shift toilets), and that the shower-hose finally has recovered its water pressure (after 2 months DAMMIT!).

The same singular routine day in and day out is only broken by a vibration, that leads to a light, that leads to a familiar sound. TEXT MESSAGE!


With the inclusion of a pronoun that starts with H somewhere in the body of that message, your entire day (and life) seems that little bit more cheerful, and worth going through (until it goes downhill again with an entire day of ignorance from the opposite party =.=).

What is this chemical reaction within us that makes us react to something as insignificant as an SMS?

They call it love.

I call it nuisance.


Gin "Something sweet that bees eat"

Son-of-a-biotch Spoilers

When you're freaking working for an accounting firm, you practically spend 90% of the hours you're awake at WORK, which means you have absolutely insufficient time to "boil" 5 episodes straight of your TVB drama when you get home.

SO is it my fault that I don't watch fast enough because I simply have NO time to do so!? The question is, IS IT FAIR for people to inconsiderately post SPOILERS on FB? (no big deal, just a site that you enter 12 times a day, in every hour, and you have to be blind not to notice things like "Join the group: we dont want Laughing to die"..oh Laughing being one of the main characters in the show).No BIGGIE.

And when you confront these people, they say "Watch faster la". Screw you. If I can watch all night, I would, but really some of us here who's required to use our brains at work, need SLEEP. You know, I think its cool and everything you're watching way ahead of everyone else, but hey your MOTHER didn't teach you that you're not supposed to broadcast spoilers publicly before the show is even finished?!HELLO?

SCREW you selfish bastards!! WATCH N SPOIL ALL U WANT, I HOPE YOUR ASTRO-ON-DEMAND CRASHES AND GET BURNT IN HELL!!

^^lil' Lin

Famous Last Words (before MSN disconnected)

Mr. “Living Out Of His Suitcase”

but relationship cannot liddat 1 la... she wanna take it slowly... y u wanna be the desperate side man...
she wanna chill... u chill even harder la... lo lei san fu zou meh.
stop payin attention to all the small things man...
jus be who u were (minus the recent pushing side of u) it'll be fine.
i think dats wut she wants too.

Miss. “Theres A Flood So Lets Booze Up”

it is..if u constantly wanna measure the amount u give and subsequently receive, u wont be happy.
which is y ppl say love is supposed to be unconditional.
not a transaction!!

Gin "MAN OVERBOARD"

Fatigue

well...its not a matter of settling for what we have right now. its a matter of the struggle to get to what we WANT...

i'm sitting here thinking whether the labor put in will reap the right results. what if all that work goes down the sinkhole with the rest of your hopes and dreams? will i wake up thinking, "well it was worth it...and i enjoyed myself the entire way"

honestly.

i dont know anymore.

and i'm tired. really tired.

Gin "nada"

The Sad Club

Gin..I can feel your bitterness and grief all the way from my shithole office. Sigh...welcome to the sad club.

To a certain extent I do agree with you. Waking up feeling like a lost little child, without any clue of the direction you're heading towards, a million unanswered questions, overwhelming doubts and emptiness plus the haunting "if only's"..is possibly the most rotten way to start the morning.

So I have been wondering... if we haven't found what we're looking for and for some reason, we just can't seem to find it.....could it be because we simply don't deserve it? Could it be maybe, just maybe, what you have right now is basically the best you can get? Hmm.

Sounds a tad too sad I know, but hey life isn't exactly perfect. I guess you deal with the problem in hand like a man, because remember that..what goes around, comes around. :)

lil'Lin^^

Incoherenity

So what do you do when you wake up in the morning feeling incoherent...

You lie in bed wondering whats wrong with yourself, and more importantly, whats wrong with the world and the people around you.

You cant make sense of it. It's all about the "he says, shes says...bullshit"

And you get to work feeling even worse. You try to justify and figure out why a brief moment of silence feels like a decade under the influence.

It's been like this before. And i don't want it to happen again.

Gin "someday we'll know"

Loving = Hating = Loving

So much for being polite Lin.

First things first. Would girls like a guy if a guy WASNT a guy?

Imagine if a boy stuck to you like glue, and wanted to see you day in day out, never left your side, and would get mad if you hung out with the girls.
Would you still like him?

What if a guy didnt have his posse, his best friends, the buddies that would stick with him through thick and thin, and all he wants is to see you.
Would you still like him?

What if a guy didnt like football, didnt like doing "guy" things, didnt like partying like it was 1999, stayed at home all day and made collages of pictures of "you and him" and posted them up on Facebook with captions that read "Me and my lovely bubu".
Would you still like him?

Imagine that perfect guy with his WHOLE LIFE revolving around you. You being the centre of the universe, and he lives solely to please you.
Would you still like him?

I doubt it...

Girls like guys for the same reason girls HATE guys. If anything, I would love to be there 24/7 for her, to pamper her, to give her massages at 3am when her feet hurt, and to tuck her into bed with a kiss on the forehead. But repetition breeds routine. And routine kills excitement. And lack of excitement kills a relationship!

So give us a break. We work hard, we play hard, and we love even harder.

Thats why girls love to hate, and hate to love.


Gin "The Antidote"

Screw you MEN!

Whoever said that life was fair, should get that few extra hours of sleep, WAKE UP and re-phrase that statement. Life is only fair when you make choices that are best for ONLY you, you and yourself. Selfishness more like it.

When you, as a man, decide to set a few various other things as your priorities, say, your heroic best friend, your idiotic football matches and your "i will die for them" buddies – one piece of advise; do not expect your girl to worship the ground you walk on. Because you’re NOT worth it. Simple.

I still can’t figure out why men even bother giving these threads of empty promises...

I’ll love you more everyday. More than yesterday.

When Im not with you, I’ll miss you even more.

You’re the most important thing to me. More important that everything else.

LOAD.OF.BULLSHIT. Two years down the road and all you say is "I'm so sick of your girly nonsense". Are you saying that you're nonsense-intolerable now? Oh yeah, that explains why you spend the 720 hours watching footie, hoping you'd one day turn into a Christiano Ronaldo. How non-nonsensical of you.

After all is said and done, I realized I've had enough of this whole, cruel, male-female thing. The L word? Eww. Fantasies are merely fantasies, and they should stay where they belong – in books. Do NOT for once try to hope for a man as unconditionaly loving and giving as Edward Cullen – it does NOT, I repeat, it does NOT exist.

Live with the hard fact that men are selfish, ego-maniacs, demanding, heartless and brainless creatures. Love them. Or leave them.

^^lil'Lin